the pain goes on

So, a week after I started writting about the pain in my back and it hasn't gotten any better. It's actually gotten worse. I can't talk, stand, sit or lie down without being in pain. I haven't even found one single position that gives me less to no pain. And that after a week!!! Saterday, I left my work crying from pain. I haven't cried of pain in somewhat 6 years. I hate crying.

I went to the md's post in the hostpital Saterdya afternoon to hear that my back was in a lock. I need manual therapy and need to keep my back warm. To take the edge of my pain I need to take about 1200 mg of painkillers a day! And they don't even help one bit. So I went back to the doctor today. She gave me the same advice but then with different painkillers. These help for about an half an hour.

But I took my managers advice to start thinking about myself and taking care of myself. So I called in sick today as well. And then they go and guilt trip you about it. Well, That's managers for ya. First they act concerned, and they are. As long as it doesn't bother them one bit. And this does. Me not coming in to work today was a big problem for them and I know it is. But today was only a half a day and a pretty quiet day at that. So if they would think on it for more than one second they would realize that it's better that I take this extra day, with my standard free tuesday to rest my back so I can do my work when I get back on wensday, instead of coming in today and ruining my back and not being able to come in for weeks to come. And for heavens sake, It's there own freaking advice that I listen to my body better. Definatly going to talk to them about that.

Well, tomorrow my first manual therapy sesion begins. What I have understood of it is that they are going to massage my back in the hope to losen it up. I just want to get rid of this pain. It's kept me up for to many nights in a row. I'm dead tierd.

And then there's my finger. My middle finger on my right hand hurts as well. I thought it was just bruised but the doctor thinks it's my muscle that's worn out and that to needs rest. I'm actually not aloud to work at all for a while form the doctor, but like I said, it's to busy at my work. And after these 2 most busy weeks of the year I can take the rest I need. And with the therapy in between, maybe a couple of times a week, I don't see how it could get worse. Maybe it will even get better haha.

I just want to get rid of this pain. I'm not one for sitting still and waisting days on doing nothing. But yesterday and today I had to. Just sitting hurts like hell so I can't even go for a walk or anything.

Can't believe I left my work crying saterday though. There's this new guy at work, Yes aa guy at my work in a clothingstore, and he's straight too! But he is nice, maybe a bit to nice and he's seen me at my worst this week. What a good impression I've made. Just met him and already he's seen me cry. Not good. I don't people thinking I'm weak. That would be a misconception and I hate misconceptions. Not because I'm interested in this guy as a boyfriend, but I do need to work with him for a couple more months and I don't like it when people I know, or will get to know, think I'm something I'm not. And weak is not something I am anymore. I might have been, but not anymore.

Anyways, lets just hope that this manual therapy stuff is going to help. Because there's only so much constent pain a girl can take. Or any other living thing for that matter.