I'm unimployed

So, as of wendsday I'm out of a job. It was my last day and I actually felt bad about it. I'll miss it a lot, I already do. I just went about my wendsday routine, but with some less energy. I hated saying goodbye to everybody. But I guess I might as well get used to it right. I mean, in just 7 more days I'll be saying goodbye to everybody here in Holland. But for a good reason. It's to say hello to my family in America. I can't wait to see them. But I do have a lot of stress right now. I still have so much to take care of. I need to take care of my taxes, my school payment, the lawyer, clean my room completly, do all my washing and of course pack my bags. Just I still need to get a second suitcase. I could borrow one from a friend of my mothers, but it turned out to be too small. I already have one big suitcase but it's a soft cover and i obviously need a hardcover with all the breakables I have to bring as well. So maybe my uncle has one for me. But what if he doesn't? I'd be up a creak without a padle.

Anyways, i can never really write and stick to one story can I. The story was my last day of work wendsday. In the middle of the day my manager just huged me out of the blue and said she would miss me. At the end of the day my manager and her assistent gave a little speech, saying how much they would miss me, how hard a worker I am and that they were really happy with me as an imployer. In the almost 9 months I have worked there I saw a lot of people leave there as well. But so far I've been the only one who's had an applause for my hard work and devotion. It felt good and it was really moving.

So, I'm a free girl. I don't need to get up every morning. I need to take care of some things, true, but I don't need to do them when others tell me to. It's all on my own time. And it feels weird. Sure, you could say it just vacation. But because I know that there's no turning back, now the plan is really being carried out, I don't have a job anymore (for the first time in 5 years) and that means no security. And that makes it all really scarry, but also very exciting.

I went to Utrecht with mama yesterday. Just a day for her and me. We wanted to go to Amsterdam, had bought the tickets traveld one station further and then found out that there were no trains going to Amsterdam that day because of a vaulting lightsignal. So we ended up in Utrecht. But believe me if you want to go souvenir-shopping like me and my mom, utrecht is NOT the place to be. We managed to find some cool stuff though and I finaly found a really nice bag for my hand luggage. Gave out a lot of money yesterday though. To much really. But I'll still have enough with me in America, I hope. I'll manage. I always do.
My mom and me ended up spending the whole day there. We had dinner there just the two of us and I really enjoyed it. I'll miss her.

Today I went to get a haircut. I guess my hairs ok. Everyone here says it looks nice and I guess it does, I just think it makes my face look a little to round. But ofcourse B. didn't even notice. he was here today to take a look at my phone/computer. I'm so glad we found a way to remain friends, even somewhat good friends.
Anyways, after I got the haircut I went by the Mexx, I still needed to hand in some things. If I hadn't I would get my last paycheck, and I really need it obviously. And I got to see my colleagues again. They said they missed me already, what ofcourse gave me a good feeling to. And I had lunch with Peter. Was fun. He already said we would go out to dinner, with a couple more when I got back in the summer. I really hope he's going to find his diploma, then we'll be going to the same school as well. And we'll probably be working together when I come back as well, because I can probably start working by the coffee-lounge then.

Also me and mardou are going to share an appartment when I get back. Hoping that we found one by the time I get back. Sharing an appartment made more sence, seeing as in we're both looking for the same thing. A nice appartment near city and trainstation in Amersfoort. And well, it's cheaper too. I mean, I'll be having enough costs with just my schooling already, so naturally I need a job to be able to move out. And then there's always still the loan I can get from IB-group. I'll need to lend anyways, just the scolarship isn't enough to cover all the costs.

I'm just feeling really weird right now. I'm almost going and I keep thinking I'm going to forget to take care of something and that I'll forget to take something. I think it's just the stress of saying goodbye and stuff. Ending a fase in my life. I'm not a working girl anymore. Not at the moment anyways and I'm not used to that. I'm also always afraid that when you say goodbye, when you leave, it's a goodbye forever. What if I keep the contact up but they don't. Then I'll never see some people again, ever. That's weird. But lots of people already said I had to visit them when I got back. So ofcourse I will.

Right now, I just can't wait. It's still a little to early to be packing, and it's also hard to be packing if you don't have the right suitcase (stress just hit me again) and so all I can do is prepair. I really want to get over there and at the same time it's really straing to scare me, excitingly scarred though. Not horror scarred. It's a good nervous scarred.

I'd better stop typing, things don't even make sence anymore.