I haven't written anything for a while so I figure I might as well give everyone an update. I had a jobinterview today for work as a barista. This means I'll be working in a coffee-lounge (not shop) and will be able to make all different types of luxurious coffees. I have to call them back tomorrow to see if I got the job. If I get that job I'll be working that one parttime and keep my job as a waitress at the campanille as well. Or at least, see how long I can handle working 60 hours a weeks, hihi.
Right now I'm trying to get caught up when it comes to money, which is hard seeing as in I only just got job and haven't had pay yet and am leaving for Italy next week. Going to Rimini with 3 friends. Should be fun, 4 girls in Italy, watch out boys.
I hope by then I'm feeling better. I've had shingles for the last 1,5 weeks. It's a very painfull rash of some kind which has to do with the chickenpock virus. They say you should only get it once in your life, that it's rare to get it a second time. And I'm hoping it's true, cause seriously... AUW. But don't worry, it's not contagious (if you've had chickenpocks already).
Don't have a lot more to say. Except that I'm really missing everyone in America. But then again, when I was there I was missing people here. It's a lose-lose situation I'm in...haha.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
New job, new plan
I had a job try-out yesterday by hotel Campanille in Amersfoort. It was one of my first times really working as a waitress. But apparently, I'm a natural and I got hired after just a couple of hours. The good thing about this job is that it's easy enough to do and there are set shifts you work. Either from 7 am - 3 pm. or from 3 pm - 11 pm. There's a lot of work, and hard work, but that makes the time fly. I won't be officially starting till next week. And then I work part-time for 2 weeks. After that I'll be working full-time. I've already decided to only do this until school starts. Cause this company at least hires even if you don't have experience. After this I will have experience, and I can look for a job in a restaurant that is easier to combine with my school.
The colleagues I've met so far are really nice and kind. Two friends of mine work there already, but they are leaving the company soon. Won't be working with them long. I'm actually hired to replace one of my friends there. Funny how that works. Just seriously need to buy new shoes for the job. They require black shoes, but for under a skirt. And all I have is black boots, or black pumps. NO way can you work 8 hours serving in high heels. So, shopping time. Great when you're short on cash right. Not really.
That's actually the only good thing so far. But at least it means I can set my plans into motion. I mean, I do have a schedule to keep to. 21 months. I hope to be getting on the plane to my new home by the end of February 2009. Still seems so far away doesn't it... Well, it does to me. Have lots to do until that time though. Work, save money, get my drivers licence, pay off my credit-loan, get certificate for school (for finishing first year), get my visa/citizenship, and I'm sure there's more I haven't thought of yet... There always is...
So yeah, schedule on that:
1. pay off credit-loan
2. get driver's licence
3. visa/citizenship
1/2/3. during all this, save money and work and school... Easily said. But I think it's going to be hard times coming. Planning money and time in all this. But it will be so worth it when I touch down on US soil, permanently.
The colleagues I've met so far are really nice and kind. Two friends of mine work there already, but they are leaving the company soon. Won't be working with them long. I'm actually hired to replace one of my friends there. Funny how that works. Just seriously need to buy new shoes for the job. They require black shoes, but for under a skirt. And all I have is black boots, or black pumps. NO way can you work 8 hours serving in high heels. So, shopping time. Great when you're short on cash right. Not really.
That's actually the only good thing so far. But at least it means I can set my plans into motion. I mean, I do have a schedule to keep to. 21 months. I hope to be getting on the plane to my new home by the end of February 2009. Still seems so far away doesn't it... Well, it does to me. Have lots to do until that time though. Work, save money, get my drivers licence, pay off my credit-loan, get certificate for school (for finishing first year), get my visa/citizenship, and I'm sure there's more I haven't thought of yet... There always is...
So yeah, schedule on that:
1. pay off credit-loan
2. get driver's licence
3. visa/citizenship
1/2/3. during all this, save money and work and school... Easily said. But I think it's going to be hard times coming. Planning money and time in all this. But it will be so worth it when I touch down on US soil, permanently.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Back
I've been back in Holland for 4 days now. Today is the fifth day. I landed at Schiphol at the early hour of 8 am on Saturday.
My last night in San Diego was great. Dave, Cale and I went to a party in OB from a friend from work (the boat). I got to see almost everybody there again. One last time I guess. Got way too drunk on wine and that means I think everything is funny and I become very honest. Didn't say or do anything too embarrassing though. Later Rhi came and joined us at the party. She left early with Cale though. She had been working all day and had to work again the next day after dropping me off at the airport at 4 am. I went home with Ashley and Dave around 12.30. Ashely being the designated driver. She dropped us off at Dave's house and then took off so Dave and I could still hang out one last time before I left.
I was glad I had set my alarm for 3 am though, cause we both fell asleep on the couch after a while. I had been planning to just stay up, but alcohol wouldn't let me...
Dave drove me the 6 blocks to the house and we said our goodbyes. Actually, he wouldn't let me say goodbye. It was a 'see you when you get back'. It helped me that he said it wasn't a goodbye. For one I hate goodbye's and it helps me to remember those words so I don't get to sad and depressed here.
I stepped out of the car and walked to the house. Dave drove off, but I didn't dare look back. Looking back would make it a goodbye for some reason. Cale and Rhi were still in bed, so I sat down on the couch and broke down... again...
Rhi woke up because of the dogs barking cause I had gotten home and asked me if I was ok. Maybe it was best for me just to take a shower real quick. I still had 45 minutes till I had to leave. I freshened up and by the time I was done, it was 4 am and time to leave for the airport.
I knelt down beside the two dogs as Cale loaded up my suitcases in the car. I had to tell them I was leaving. Rhi told me how much they had missed me when I went to LA and I wanted them to understand I wasn't coming back soon. (Still Rhiannon told me a couple of days later that Niko was looking for me in my room...I'm sorry Niko).
We drove to the airport. I was numb. Didn't want to believe I really had to go. Kept hoping I had mistaken in the dates and I had a couple more days, or a couple more hours even. Anything....
They dropped me off at the airport and we learned that they weren't even aloud to go inside because the check in desk was right there. So we said goodbye there and I promised to be back as soon as possible.
There I was, alone at the airport. Thank god the check in line wasn't to long and right after checking in they started boarding the plane. So I didn't have enough time to break down again and cry again. And I sure as hell wasn't going to cry in public. Not alone at an airport.
My first stop would be in Denver, Colorado. It was a small plane I was in and there was a lot of turbulence during the flight. Which is great when not only am I afraid of flying. But I didn't even want to leave and sit in that damn plane. We had left a little later because of a storm over Iowa though and so when I landed in Washington DC about 1.5 hours late. This meant I only had 30 minutes to catch my next plane. So glad my suitcases went to the next flight automatically. Still had to run to board the damn plane on time. Again a flight with a whole lot of turbulence, this time to Holland itself. It seemed like the longest flight in my life. Thank god there was a nice man sitting next to me who distracted me wit a whole lotta stories. Any other time I would have thought him to be very annoying seeing as in he never shut up. But on this flight I needed it to stop myself from crying.
Because really, I was sad already, but as soon as I was on that last flight and I knew I would be leaving the States I seriously panicked. All I wanted was for the plane to turn around and go back. This last flight made it all real. No turning back. And I didn't even want to leave. I felt my heart drop to the ground. I left a part of my heart there in San Diego and now I'm left with a hollow feeling in my chest.
When we were nearing Schiphol with the plane I knew I couldn't hold back my tears much longer. I kept talking to the guy, Ross, next to me so I had a distraction. But as soon as we were aloud to leave the plane, I ran for the nearest bathroom and cried for a half an hour in the toilet cubicle.
I could have cried forever in there, but I gathered myself and freshened up. I had to get my bags and see my parents again. And I really wanted to see my parents again. I just wish they could have seen me as I was in SD. Even my sister said she had never seen me smile as much as she had seen me smile in America.
I got my suitcases and then walked out to the arrival-hall. There my parents were and my little sister, god how she has grown. She's almost taller then me now. And she's so beautiful. I hugged my mom and then Savvy and then my dad. A few tears dropped, but I whipped them away quickly.
We sat down somewhere for some breakfast, tea/coffee and a cigarette (everyone except my mom smokes, how bad is that). By the time we had finished our breakfast they announced that my sisters plane had been 3 hours delayed. No way in hell were we waiting around for that. So my dad dropped us off at home to later go back and pick Shardae and Mark up at the airport. I went upstairs as soon as possible. During the car-drive to the house it completely hit me that I was in Holland know and that it wouldn't be that easy for me to get back. So in my room I had another panic attack. I wanted to call Rhi, but had no more minutes and my American phone has no service here. So I settled for sending her an email. Or two actually.
Now a couple of days later I have no more tears to cry. All I have been doing since I got back is look for a job (so I can save money to get out there again) and sit behind the computer (looking for ways to get back there as soon as possible, permanently). Yes ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to be moving to the States in about two years.
Just so we're all clear, it has nothing to do with how my life in Holland is. Because I do have a really good and nice life here. But I can not picture my future here. And home is where the heart lies. And mine has always been in San Diego. I found it there and I left it there when I came back. Now, it's up to me to find my own happiness. And I know that my true happiness can be found there.
Like I told my mom, I'd rather be struggling in San Diego and yet be happy and feel at home and be understood. Then be in Holland with an ok life and financial situation but not be truly happy because I don't feel like this is were I belong and fit in.
Cause let's all admit it folks. I don't really fit in in Holland. I do love all my friends here and my family. But this life isn't satisfying for me.
So even though my trip to the States is over and the reason for this weblog. I'm going to keep it going for round two. My biggest adventure yet to come...
My last night in San Diego was great. Dave, Cale and I went to a party in OB from a friend from work (the boat). I got to see almost everybody there again. One last time I guess. Got way too drunk on wine and that means I think everything is funny and I become very honest. Didn't say or do anything too embarrassing though. Later Rhi came and joined us at the party. She left early with Cale though. She had been working all day and had to work again the next day after dropping me off at the airport at 4 am. I went home with Ashley and Dave around 12.30. Ashely being the designated driver. She dropped us off at Dave's house and then took off so Dave and I could still hang out one last time before I left.
I was glad I had set my alarm for 3 am though, cause we both fell asleep on the couch after a while. I had been planning to just stay up, but alcohol wouldn't let me...
Dave drove me the 6 blocks to the house and we said our goodbyes. Actually, he wouldn't let me say goodbye. It was a 'see you when you get back'. It helped me that he said it wasn't a goodbye. For one I hate goodbye's and it helps me to remember those words so I don't get to sad and depressed here.
I stepped out of the car and walked to the house. Dave drove off, but I didn't dare look back. Looking back would make it a goodbye for some reason. Cale and Rhi were still in bed, so I sat down on the couch and broke down... again...
Rhi woke up because of the dogs barking cause I had gotten home and asked me if I was ok. Maybe it was best for me just to take a shower real quick. I still had 45 minutes till I had to leave. I freshened up and by the time I was done, it was 4 am and time to leave for the airport.
I knelt down beside the two dogs as Cale loaded up my suitcases in the car. I had to tell them I was leaving. Rhi told me how much they had missed me when I went to LA and I wanted them to understand I wasn't coming back soon. (Still Rhiannon told me a couple of days later that Niko was looking for me in my room...I'm sorry Niko).
We drove to the airport. I was numb. Didn't want to believe I really had to go. Kept hoping I had mistaken in the dates and I had a couple more days, or a couple more hours even. Anything....
They dropped me off at the airport and we learned that they weren't even aloud to go inside because the check in desk was right there. So we said goodbye there and I promised to be back as soon as possible.
There I was, alone at the airport. Thank god the check in line wasn't to long and right after checking in they started boarding the plane. So I didn't have enough time to break down again and cry again. And I sure as hell wasn't going to cry in public. Not alone at an airport.
My first stop would be in Denver, Colorado. It was a small plane I was in and there was a lot of turbulence during the flight. Which is great when not only am I afraid of flying. But I didn't even want to leave and sit in that damn plane. We had left a little later because of a storm over Iowa though and so when I landed in Washington DC about 1.5 hours late. This meant I only had 30 minutes to catch my next plane. So glad my suitcases went to the next flight automatically. Still had to run to board the damn plane on time. Again a flight with a whole lot of turbulence, this time to Holland itself. It seemed like the longest flight in my life. Thank god there was a nice man sitting next to me who distracted me wit a whole lotta stories. Any other time I would have thought him to be very annoying seeing as in he never shut up. But on this flight I needed it to stop myself from crying.
Because really, I was sad already, but as soon as I was on that last flight and I knew I would be leaving the States I seriously panicked. All I wanted was for the plane to turn around and go back. This last flight made it all real. No turning back. And I didn't even want to leave. I felt my heart drop to the ground. I left a part of my heart there in San Diego and now I'm left with a hollow feeling in my chest.
When we were nearing Schiphol with the plane I knew I couldn't hold back my tears much longer. I kept talking to the guy, Ross, next to me so I had a distraction. But as soon as we were aloud to leave the plane, I ran for the nearest bathroom and cried for a half an hour in the toilet cubicle.
I could have cried forever in there, but I gathered myself and freshened up. I had to get my bags and see my parents again. And I really wanted to see my parents again. I just wish they could have seen me as I was in SD. Even my sister said she had never seen me smile as much as she had seen me smile in America.
I got my suitcases and then walked out to the arrival-hall. There my parents were and my little sister, god how she has grown. She's almost taller then me now. And she's so beautiful. I hugged my mom and then Savvy and then my dad. A few tears dropped, but I whipped them away quickly.
We sat down somewhere for some breakfast, tea/coffee and a cigarette (everyone except my mom smokes, how bad is that). By the time we had finished our breakfast they announced that my sisters plane had been 3 hours delayed. No way in hell were we waiting around for that. So my dad dropped us off at home to later go back and pick Shardae and Mark up at the airport. I went upstairs as soon as possible. During the car-drive to the house it completely hit me that I was in Holland know and that it wouldn't be that easy for me to get back. So in my room I had another panic attack. I wanted to call Rhi, but had no more minutes and my American phone has no service here. So I settled for sending her an email. Or two actually.
Now a couple of days later I have no more tears to cry. All I have been doing since I got back is look for a job (so I can save money to get out there again) and sit behind the computer (looking for ways to get back there as soon as possible, permanently). Yes ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to be moving to the States in about two years.
Just so we're all clear, it has nothing to do with how my life in Holland is. Because I do have a really good and nice life here. But I can not picture my future here. And home is where the heart lies. And mine has always been in San Diego. I found it there and I left it there when I came back. Now, it's up to me to find my own happiness. And I know that my true happiness can be found there.
Like I told my mom, I'd rather be struggling in San Diego and yet be happy and feel at home and be understood. Then be in Holland with an ok life and financial situation but not be truly happy because I don't feel like this is were I belong and fit in.
Cause let's all admit it folks. I don't really fit in in Holland. I do love all my friends here and my family. But this life isn't satisfying for me.
So even though my trip to the States is over and the reason for this weblog. I'm going to keep it going for round two. My biggest adventure yet to come...
Thursday, June 7, 2007
"I'm leaving on a jetplane"
"Don't know when I'll be back again..."
"You know, I hate to goooo....."
Trying to pack my bags right now, but I realized that I bought way to much crap while here and hardly anythin fits. Awesome...
Cale and Rhiannon are both working today but we will probably be going to a party tonight. That gives me a chance to see everyone before I go as well. I'm going to miss all my friends and family here so much... But it's not forever is what I have to keep telling myself.
Not going to be a long entree. Still need to get the rest of my packing done. And I really dont want to spend my last day behind the computer.
See You All Soon
"You know, I hate to goooo....."
Trying to pack my bags right now, but I realized that I bought way to much crap while here and hardly anythin fits. Awesome...
Cale and Rhiannon are both working today but we will probably be going to a party tonight. That gives me a chance to see everyone before I go as well. I'm going to miss all my friends and family here so much... But it's not forever is what I have to keep telling myself.
Not going to be a long entree. Still need to get the rest of my packing done. And I really dont want to spend my last day behind the computer.
See You All Soon
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Sad sadder Saddest
That's me, right now. It's Wednesday 5 pm. Tomorrow is my last day here and I just feel like I'm dragging my heart on the ground. I haven't even packed my bags yet because it'll just depress me even more.
But at the same time I really want to see everybody again. And it would be great to be able to go to a bar and order a beer without having to lie about my age, haha. I just hope I can get a job asap because I'm as broke as can be. Credit cards will do that to you. As soon as I get back it's going to the back off my wallet.
Just all, don't be offended if I'm sad when I get back. Nothing to do with you, promise...
Owh, and from who was that second comment? Have some idea, but no, not really...
But at the same time I really want to see everybody again. And it would be great to be able to go to a bar and order a beer without having to lie about my age, haha. I just hope I can get a job asap because I'm as broke as can be. Credit cards will do that to you. As soon as I get back it's going to the back off my wallet.
Just all, don't be offended if I'm sad when I get back. Nothing to do with you, promise...
Owh, and from who was that second comment? Have some idea, but no, not really...
And peeps, I tried to send you all a text back. Hope you got them...
Love you all long time....
Love you all long time....
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