Packing dreams

Had such a weird dream last night. It went from one thing to the next and all subjects were things I was or am now worrying about. First of all there was the part in the dream that I was packing my bags for America. It was the day or something before I actually left and there was a problem with the bags. I got to borrow one big suitcase from friends of my mom and I had that one completly filled. I should have gotten a nother big suitcase from my mom herself, but she didn't want to give it wich meant I had to put the rest of my stuff in sportbags. But this meant that I would have 3 bags to check in in totale and that wasn't aloud. It's up to two bags to check in and there was no way I could carry it all. But still my mom wouldn't lend me the other suitcase. She was trying to stop me from going on the trip.

Then there was a different part of the dream which I don't really remember. But then came yet another part that I do remember. I was with my ex and yet again it was a dream in which we had a realationship again, to say the least.

So the things I'm worried about...
First of all there's my mom. I know she is happy for me for getting the chance to make a trip like this one. But I also know that she doesn't really want me to go, that she is jealous of me and my sister getting to see the family, and that's she's worried about me being there by myself (which I'm not really, I'm with family mostly) and that her worst fear is that I decide to like it so much that I decide to stay there. She's scared stiff about me taking this trip. And that makes me worry about her. If she's going to be ok while I'm there. Will she be getting any sleep and will she be slightly enjoyable for my little sister haha.

The other thing I'm worried about is obvious. I had my third or somehting dream about my ex and I getting together again. It's just always physical and not really that I love you kind of thing. When actually when we were together the physical wasn't terrific. It was good, but not something to write a book about. So why these dreams. My subconcious way of telling me I still like him, still want to be with him or 'my subconcious way of getting over him or maybe even my subconcious way of getting over Mcdreamy. I mean one way of getting over someone is by thinking and dreaming about someone else. Love to cure love. And there isn't really somebody else to think and dream about, exept one but that would only get me into a whole lot of more love-trouble. So maybe this is the safest bet. I don't know. But I don't think that thinking about it much will help the matter. I think that thinking about it and trying to understand it will only make it worse. And in this kind of situation, by both of these matters, only time can tell.

Good goals

So much has happened. It's 2007 now people. So what goals did we all set for ourselves. My goal is one that turned out to be harder then I thought. No I'm not quiting smoking, eventhough I am smoking less now. I want to act and think more positive. And it's hard. I'm more of a pessimist then I thought. But there is some progress, eventhough I have my moments of fallingback into the pessimisme. But positive things, here are some...

- I handed in my letter of resignation by the Mexx, my last day of work is on teh 28th of feb.
- I went to city hall for my passport today, it will be busy within a week so i can pick it up on tuesday. And it's probably for free. They screwed up the payment and wouldn't hear me when I said I hadn't paid yet. Tried to be honest but they wouldn't listen, so it's their problem then. They might still discover the fault though and I'm still have to pay, but owh well. Otherwise that's 47.75 extra euro's to take to the states.
- I wrote out my whole itinerary and that's as good as settled as well.
- I've been free from work not only today, but tomorrow as well, and I don't have to work thursday evening.
- I went to MT today and she says she's happy about the way my back is improving and I only have to come back once every other week now.
- I went to my first kickfun lesson since my back had started to give me problems today and it went pretty well. Although all my muscles in my back feel really tight now, it does mean that there is improvement seeing as my back held out during the lesson and the pain now is my muscles learning to deal with again.
- I ordened all the papers and stuff I need to bring to america in one map and can't forget anything when I leave here in 69 days.
- I ended my contract for my mobile phone and soon it will be turned into prepaid. So I get to keep my own number.

And right now I'm going to crawl into bed with my book (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) after taking a long hot shower that is.

By the way. New Years was a blast with ofcourse it's little up and downs that always come when friends and alcohol are in one room for a longer period of time. But there were way more ups than downs and the downs were only minor. Owh, and work right now is downright boring seeing as in we hardly have any costumors. Hope that picks up.

Happy New year all