So, this always happens to me whenever I'm on vacation for my rest. I start stressing about a lot of stuff. The thing that has really been on my mind lately is the fact that I don't really like my school. The course I'm taking that is. I mean, sure Interior design is one of my interests, but not that much so. I don't see myself doing that for the rest of my life. What I can see myself doing is starting my own cafe. Food and drinks, you know. But that would mean that the college I'm going to now is unnecessary and a big fat waist of money.
I remember going there on the first day of school and my mom asked me if I was excited about it. And I told her, NO, not at all. And she said I probably just had to get into it again. I've been trying (really I have) for the past 6 months and really, NO, I do not want to do this. The study is OK, I guess. But not for me. It's just not me in the sense that I find myself in it 100%. I don't think it suits me even 50%. But then I get to thinking, If not this, then what. And honestly... I don't know. My other interests would be traveling and working in a bar/cafe/hotel/restaurant. And there are colleges for that, but I don't know if that's me either. There's just so much and yet so less that I would want to do with the rest of my life. I could just take up the advise from some people and keep doing this school or else become a model. But keep going at a school that I don't have any motivation for. It drains me and it's just not worth the money either. I go to a very expensive school, have to pay for it myself and don't find enjoyment in it at all!!!!
My mom and dad will want to kill me if I tell them. But really. It's only going to be one year of this for me. I just can't do it. There is zero motivation and if it hasn't come after half a year of trying, then it probably wont ever come. I'm over trying to please my parents with doing this and feeling sucky myself. It's so not worth it!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
New Tattauw
Yes I finally got the tattoo I've been planning for almost a year now with my aunt. I designed it myself, which makes it even better and nicer to have. It's three butterflies in flight that go across the left side of my lower back. We got it on Wednesday. Rhi's birthday it self. Hers has more of the blue and green's in it and mine the reds and pinks and such. It took 2 hours for it to be set and about half of the time the pain was so bad it almost made me faint... Rhi's only took 1,5 hours, cause she went second and by then he had gotten the hang of it.
It's Sunday now and it's mostly healed. But still hurts a bit... But it's so worth it though...
Yesterday was Rhi's party. We had been running a round for a couple of days trying to get everything ready and such. But it was great. The food was catered Mexican and the yard was all done up. And there was Karaoke as well. And I actually got up the nerve to get up there. I did one duet with Dani, one by myself (great singing like a virgin with your grandpa there, hahaha), and one trio with Dani and Twon. the ones I didn't do alone were ok. But the solo. They said I sounded really well and such, but I was just nerves as hell. Trying to keep my voice steady was all I could do. But I'm glad I did it. I should get over this damn stage fright. It's pathetic.
So today we went out for breakfast with the family. (my grandpa and his girlfriend, my uncle and his wife, Rhi and I). All hung over and so breakfast was at 2.30 pm. But it was good.
I loved seeing everyone again. My grandma left Early this morning and my uncle Steve and his wife left after breakfast. My grandpa is still here and wont be leaving till tomorrow morning. Rhi and I are going to drop him and Sheryl of at the airport round 6 am. Way early. But the rest of the day it will be hanging on the couch and watching movies. Just a day of doing nothing at all would be good. I mean damn. I cleaned so much here, it's more then rent worth. I even cleaned the damn walls and the van above the stove that, by the looks of it, hadn't been done for years.
Now it is time to rest as well though. After only 4 hours of sleep last night, I am completely drained of energy...
It's Sunday now and it's mostly healed. But still hurts a bit... But it's so worth it though...
Yesterday was Rhi's party. We had been running a round for a couple of days trying to get everything ready and such. But it was great. The food was catered Mexican and the yard was all done up. And there was Karaoke as well. And I actually got up the nerve to get up there. I did one duet with Dani, one by myself (great singing like a virgin with your grandpa there, hahaha), and one trio with Dani and Twon. the ones I didn't do alone were ok. But the solo. They said I sounded really well and such, but I was just nerves as hell. Trying to keep my voice steady was all I could do. But I'm glad I did it. I should get over this damn stage fright. It's pathetic.
So today we went out for breakfast with the family. (my grandpa and his girlfriend, my uncle and his wife, Rhi and I). All hung over and so breakfast was at 2.30 pm. But it was good.
I loved seeing everyone again. My grandma left Early this morning and my uncle Steve and his wife left after breakfast. My grandpa is still here and wont be leaving till tomorrow morning. Rhi and I are going to drop him and Sheryl of at the airport round 6 am. Way early. But the rest of the day it will be hanging on the couch and watching movies. Just a day of doing nothing at all would be good. I mean damn. I cleaned so much here, it's more then rent worth. I even cleaned the damn walls and the van above the stove that, by the looks of it, hadn't been done for years.
Now it is time to rest as well though. After only 4 hours of sleep last night, I am completely drained of energy...
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Home again
Well, my second home that is. That's right... I'm back in San Diego baby. And loving it.
Fact is that I hate flying. I get all sweaty and nervous when the plain takes off and lands and when ever there is turbulance. So that was my whole damn flight over here. Seriously, with some turbulance we had I pratically wet myself. (but don't worry, I didn't)
But when the plane was about to land in San Diego I wasn't nervous or hyper ventelating. We broke through the clouds and there it was... my all time favorite city. All the lights were shinning seeing as in I flew in at night and the site was not just breathtaking but also so formiliar. I felt at ease because I knew that that site meant the beginning of 2 blissfull weeks with my favorite aunt.
I'm still nurchering a jetlagg, but I just love being back. And seeing some sunshine again isn't doing me any harm either. Although I don't think my body is used to it anymore after the terrible summer we had in Holland, which made it seem like it was autum all year round.
Of course, this trip is so different from the last time I was here. First of all, there is so little time now. Only two weeks as apossed to the 2 and a half months from the last time. And then there's the fact that I actually have an obligation this time. Seeing as in I have some catch up to do for school I brought my homework with me. Which isn't just textsbooks to read through either. I had to bring as much drawing materials with me as possible. Which is a lot, but could be a whole lot more. I kept it to a minimum. But maybe to much so. But hey, no way in hell am I going to fill my suitcase with nothing but homework. I need clothing too you know.
I actually did some of homework already. So proud of me. But I'm not there yet. I need to a few interviews with restaurants and such as well, so I figure I could do that here as well. Couldnt hurt to broaden my horizon, now can it. that's what they keep telling us to do at that damn college, so I'll show them just how broad my horizon can be...
I went over to the tattoo parlor today to settle an apointment for and Rhiannon. We are getting the same tattoo. Just mine is going to be a little bit bigger then hers. It's going to be lovely. I hope. 3 butterflies. Corny I know. But with meaning to us. You see, on my last trip over here Rhi, my grandpa and I went to vegas. And in one hotel there they had this little green house in the center filled with living, big, beautiful butterflies and all Rhi and i could do was stand there transfixed on those magical creaters that somehow gave a sense of peace and of course of beauty. And that's what she brings me as well. A sense of peace. And the relationship I have with her is beauty beyond compare to me. She is one of the clossest persons to my heart.
So, we'll be getting the tattoo's tomorrow. Excited...
Fact is that I hate flying. I get all sweaty and nervous when the plain takes off and lands and when ever there is turbulance. So that was my whole damn flight over here. Seriously, with some turbulance we had I pratically wet myself. (but don't worry, I didn't)
But when the plane was about to land in San Diego I wasn't nervous or hyper ventelating. We broke through the clouds and there it was... my all time favorite city. All the lights were shinning seeing as in I flew in at night and the site was not just breathtaking but also so formiliar. I felt at ease because I knew that that site meant the beginning of 2 blissfull weeks with my favorite aunt.
I'm still nurchering a jetlagg, but I just love being back. And seeing some sunshine again isn't doing me any harm either. Although I don't think my body is used to it anymore after the terrible summer we had in Holland, which made it seem like it was autum all year round.
Of course, this trip is so different from the last time I was here. First of all, there is so little time now. Only two weeks as apossed to the 2 and a half months from the last time. And then there's the fact that I actually have an obligation this time. Seeing as in I have some catch up to do for school I brought my homework with me. Which isn't just textsbooks to read through either. I had to bring as much drawing materials with me as possible. Which is a lot, but could be a whole lot more. I kept it to a minimum. But maybe to much so. But hey, no way in hell am I going to fill my suitcase with nothing but homework. I need clothing too you know.
I actually did some of homework already. So proud of me. But I'm not there yet. I need to a few interviews with restaurants and such as well, so I figure I could do that here as well. Couldnt hurt to broaden my horizon, now can it. that's what they keep telling us to do at that damn college, so I'll show them just how broad my horizon can be...
I went over to the tattoo parlor today to settle an apointment for and Rhiannon. We are getting the same tattoo. Just mine is going to be a little bit bigger then hers. It's going to be lovely. I hope. 3 butterflies. Corny I know. But with meaning to us. You see, on my last trip over here Rhi, my grandpa and I went to vegas. And in one hotel there they had this little green house in the center filled with living, big, beautiful butterflies and all Rhi and i could do was stand there transfixed on those magical creaters that somehow gave a sense of peace and of course of beauty. And that's what she brings me as well. A sense of peace. And the relationship I have with her is beauty beyond compare to me. She is one of the clossest persons to my heart.
So, we'll be getting the tattoo's tomorrow. Excited...
Sunday, January 27, 2008
News
Well, Cori hasn't been found yet. It's been such a long time already... more then 3 months now. I feel so sad for her. I just hope they find her. Ever... Rather sooner than later...
School is going ok. I didnt make the first to courses that great and have to change some things and hand it in again. Hope I do well that time... I'll know soon enough... I hand it in again on friday the 1st of Febuary. Other then being waaayyyy behind on these 2 courses, it's going ok... haha....
Good news, Booked a nother trip to SD. I fly out the 1st of march and stay for 15 whole days. Cant wait to see Rhiannon again... She's more like a sister then an aunt to me... I love her dearly... Just hate that we live so far apart from each other.
After my trip to SD I start a new job here in Holland. Yes, yet another job. It's not that I dont like the job I have now... But I was asked by the owner of a bar if I wanted to work for him. I love working behind a bar and he pays more as well. And I'll have more days of then here in the hotel. I hand in my resignation monday... so tomorrow. They hate me leaving. Especially because they'll have a major staff-shortage once I go... But hey... it's better for me and my wallet... So shame on me if I wouldnt take this job and keep bitching about the hours I have to put in to make just a little scrap of money, right. I mean, with school and wanting to move out, I'll sure as hell need the money...!!!!
School is going ok. I didnt make the first to courses that great and have to change some things and hand it in again. Hope I do well that time... I'll know soon enough... I hand it in again on friday the 1st of Febuary. Other then being waaayyyy behind on these 2 courses, it's going ok... haha....
Good news, Booked a nother trip to SD. I fly out the 1st of march and stay for 15 whole days. Cant wait to see Rhiannon again... She's more like a sister then an aunt to me... I love her dearly... Just hate that we live so far apart from each other.
After my trip to SD I start a new job here in Holland. Yes, yet another job. It's not that I dont like the job I have now... But I was asked by the owner of a bar if I wanted to work for him. I love working behind a bar and he pays more as well. And I'll have more days of then here in the hotel. I hand in my resignation monday... so tomorrow. They hate me leaving. Especially because they'll have a major staff-shortage once I go... But hey... it's better for me and my wallet... So shame on me if I wouldnt take this job and keep bitching about the hours I have to put in to make just a little scrap of money, right. I mean, with school and wanting to move out, I'll sure as hell need the money...!!!!
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