frustration

Why are guys so difficult. What is so hard about talking things out. Why do they never realize you want to talk about things. And I don't even have a boyfriend. Just your friends can give you hell with this kind of thing.

I get that it's hard to talk about some things. Especially when it has to be in secret. But not talking about it is so much harder. You can only avoid confrontation for so long before it drives you mad!!! And I can tell ya, I hate feeling like crap and not talking about it doesnt help me put things in perspective. That's what I need to do, put things in perspective. But in order to do that I need to talk about it, with HIM.

He's made it clear that he knows this much, so why the hell not act on it!!! How long avoid the confrontation not only with me but mostly with himself. He probably doesn't even dare confront himself about the fact that he doesn't confront himself and avoids any confrontation all together.

(sigh)

Glad I got that out...

Now let me at him. I'm on a roll here!

college...

So, today I went to the orientationday at my soon to be school again. I went there with a colleague of mine. His name is Peter. So last night I set my alarm for 7 o'clock. But this morning the snooze-button looked so damn appealling that I pressed it again and again and again and again. So by the time I really got myself up and out of bed it was 7.40 and time to hurry the hell up. I'm telling you, that snooze-button is the heavenly hell. I left the house dressed and stressed at 8.00. I had just 8 minutes to walk to the trainstation (thank God only a 2 minute walk), buy my ticket and get to the right platform. I made it. I was there and waiting by 8.07, and then the damn train doesn't come in till 8.12. They were late (and not me, that's a first) and in such a hurry that they gave us less that 30 secondes to get into the train. Which meant that the doors almost closed on me. Not meaning that they closed in front of my face, but meaning that I had one foot in and one foot out when the doors were closing. Great way to start the day.But it turned out alright. By 8.16 I was on central and had to wait about 15 minutes for Peter. He was there at 8.30 as well, so we sat down for a cup of coffee in the Coffee-Lounge where he also works untill 9.05. Because our next train, to Deventer, would leave at 9.10. We made that no problem and settled down with our oversized cookie and Latte machiatto to go.
The orientation day it self was ok. We had some quistions answerd, made some notes and it was time for me to decide if this was really what I wanted to do. I mean, I had visited these days before, for the same exact study. But now I really have to apply for the school. It's scarry though. I mean, I won't start the studie till after my trip to America, so it's already saying, I'm most definatly coming back. Which I'm not even sure of. I probably will, but you never know.
Anyways, the study I'm looking into is called Lifestyle Advisor. This means that I'll be studying interial and exterial desinging and (moslty) styling. It's almost the same as Interial Architecture but than without the math. (I am not good at math!) We got back from Deventer around 13.30. But my train to the station Schothorst didn't show up so I ended up waiting till 14.20 for the next train. But I got alot out of this day and now know with about 98% of my being that this is probably the study I want to do (There's always doubt with futur things).

Peter doesn't know what he wanst to do yet though. This study or none at all. The thing stopping him... the costs. It is a hell of a expencive study. It's because they don't get any substitution from the government that they ask about 2900 euro's college fonds a year. Next to this there are also still the costs form books and the many axcursions they make. But it will (hopefully) be well worth it.

So time to really fill out these forms that are lying here. Waiting for me to fill them in and commit myself completly to going back to school. No more working by the Mexx, no more working full-time at all. Just the 2 long days of class, the internships and working part-time to be able to have a life as well.

here goes nothing...

The trip

So, today I started this blog. The reason for that is very simple. I am headed for the United States of America in a couple of months and this will be my way of updating everyone I know and love of my situation.

Even though I live in Holland I have ties with the states. My mother was born and raised there and all my family from my mothers side is still there. So I dicided to take a gapyear and visit with them for 3 months.

I'll be starting my trip in Tennessee by my second cousine. I'll be there for 2 weeks. Then I'll be taking the train to Salt Lake City, Utah and visit with my grandpa. I'll be there for about 10 days. My last 2 months I'll be staying with my aunt in San Diego, California. I can't wait. For me California is the place to be. Eventhough I've never even been there before.

Last year I graduated from High School and decided to take the gapyear. I couldn't have make a better decision. I started working in the fashionstore Mexx right after my exams. It was pretty sure I would make it anyways. After working there for a couple of months I had saved enough money for my plane ticket. I booked my ticket on the 23e of october.
About a week later I told my boss of my travel plans. I said I would be leaving in March. They didn't like this news. They didn't want to lose me as a imployer. Which of course gave the nice feeling of being valued. But they were and still are happy for me. eventhough they still sometimes try to make me change my mind. But there's no use. When / if I get back from America I'll be starting the study of Lifestyle Advisor and won't be able to work there then either. I am sad to leave there though. But this trip will be great for me.

The only thing I'm worried about is becoming homesick. 3 months is a long time to be away of everything you know and love. But then again... I'll be with my family in the United States of America. Which is exactly what I want.